Reclaiming my name
I have started taking a course called Life Changing Practices by Marlysa Thomas recently. In our first meeting, she talked about the ways in which we center whiteness in our lives. For me, that used to be how I said my own name for many decades. I came to this country when I was six and grew up surrounded by other children of many cultures and many teachers of different ethnicities. But one thing remained true – everyone called me “Arpeeta” and I never had the heart to tell them how I wanted it pronounced.
I had no one I could have those conversations with when I was growing up. And it always seemed like such a small issue compared to other big life problems like income, stability, and trying to get by. It was only when I got to college and I had a roommate that also was born in India that called me out on it that I realized what I was doing. I wasn’t even giving people a chance to pronounce my name correctly because I had become so accustomed to being “Arpeeta”.
It’s funny to look back on now – but still something I still struggle with living in a culture where being white is the norm. It almost makes you feel like a caricature of yourself. You feel the need to always appease and accommodate instead of standing in your own power and calling out. It is particularly hard when you are low-income, an immigrant, or disabled. You feel extremely vulnerable in a community that is well intentioned, but hurts you in ways that are hard to process.
I will leave you with some of the tools Marlysa shared with me and I reflected on. The three questions she asked were:
- How is whiteness being centered?
- What are practical ways I can decenter whiteness?
- Why do I feel like this/think this and where I learned it?
Maybe these will give you some fruit for thought. If you are interested in taking this course, check out her website and new youtube channel.
Let us continue to learn and grow together this year.
