The art of making mistakes
My life motto is:
You’ll never be brave if you never get hurt.
You’ll never learn if you don’t make mistakes.
You’ll never be successful if you don’t encounter failure.
I’m not sure who this quote is from, but it is printed and framed above my bed. It is a constant reminder to myself that I should not let fear hold me back. I should listen to it, I should understand where it is coming from, and accept it. But I should not let it hold me back.
Many people get hung up in life because they are afraid of the shame associated with failure, or worse, they make a mistake and they don’t know how to own up to it, and so, instead of allowing themselves to learn from it, they become a “failure.”
But, there is an art to making mistakes – and this post will cover them. This post is a combination of life experience/some great thought leaders that address the topic very well. So, let’s start.
First, let’s understand what mistakes are and what they are not. According to The Minimalists, “The mistake was something you did without intention; the bad decision was made intentionally—often without regard for the consequence.”
The example they use to illustrate this is: Selecting the wrong answer on a test is a mistake; not studying for that test is a bad decision.
The core lesson can be summed up in their profound statement – “It’s easy to dismiss your bad decisions by reclassifying them as mistakes. It takes the edge off, it softens the blow. But it’s much worse than that: reclassifying a bad decision as a mistake removes your responsibility, making it no longer your fault. And it’s much easier to live with your bad decisions if they aren’t your fault. Consequently, you’re more likely to make the same bad decision repeatedly if you simply consider it a mistake. Such behavior is, by definition, insane.”
So, first, it’s really important for us to clarify with ourselves whether we made a mistake or a bad decision. If you want help with that, check out this article.
Owning our mistakes
Now, if you made a mistake, here are some tips for you. We’ll start with some key lessons from Cristel Carrisi’s TED Talk.
- Be responsible.
When we make a mistake or do something wrong, our first tendency is to blame somebody else and not take full responsibility. This has the consequences of making us look like we are either cowards or in total denial. Cristel Carrisi says it best – “But, if we are not going to make a mistake and finally admit to it, and understand why you make the the mistake, then what was the point in failing at all?”
- Focus on ourselves.
Focus on the quality of our own hard work and our journey. We shouldn’t waste our time looking at what other people are doing because the image of perfection that other people share is not reality.
- Find balance.
We have to find a balance between judging ourselves so harshly we feel like a loser and not recognizing all of our hard work and accomplishments with also taking responsibility and understand where we went wrong.
Failure is part of success
Now, let’s get to the other part of this discussion:
The key lessons from here that I’ve implemented in my life are:
- Don’t quit too early – most obstacles we face are here to test our character, not to stop us.
A common excuse we all make is that well that didn’t work out, so it wasn’t meant to be. That’s not how life works most of the time.
As a data analyst, I’m constantly screwing up and making mistakes, but as long as I am a safe environment with people who understand that mistakes are part of the process – I will thrive.
- There is not such thing as “failure”.
If you learned a lesson and gave your best, you succeeded. We usually measure success or failure by the outcome – not by the effort. But if you have given your best, you have succeeded. Sometimes we win and sometimes we learn.
I haven’t been able to fix every mistake I’ve ever made and undo the damage that it has created, but I’ve been able to reframe the mistake as a lesson. This is key to moving forward.
- The past does not equal the future. “The only thing that keeps us from getting what we want is the story we tell ourselves about why we can’t have it.” – Tony Robinson
The reality is that now is our reality. We are all great storytellers and we can create our own reality. This is why being vulnerable is so important – because we have to allow other people to see us as human when we make mistakes. They can make decisions about how to proceed forward – and we can have pride in speaking our own truth and showing up authentically.
Learning is hard. Making mistakes is important. But, there is an art to making mistakes so they benefit you, rather than lead you further down the path of failure. These key lessons will help you in very challenging moments of your life – use them wisely.
